we have a tendency of believing that God doesn't want us. knowing full well who we are, even we don't want us. so then how could the God of the universe, the One perfect and just, even tolerate us? we believe in some kind of unconditional love that is dangerous in that it means we don't have to be good enough. if we can get over the idea that God would want us in the first place, then another common struggle is thinking that we can lose His favor. that by our own struggles and failures, we can be so bad that God doesn't want anything to do with us.
i heard at oneThing, a speaker who expressed it like we feel so much shame and brokenness when we turn on God or fail God that we think it will affect the way that God loves us. but really, God says, "I love fixing Your mistakes. that's even my job" - and He really takes on the role of a parent, raising a child through levels of immaturity and even rebellion. but He is like the father expressed in the prodigal son parable, who not only welcomes His son back, but does not even hold the slightest rebuke in His heart. He is simply ecstatic to behold His son again.
we have a tendency of wanting to tell God, "don't look at me. not like this. i can do better than this. don't see me now, You deserve better." we want to justify ourselves to Him. we want to show Him that He didn't make the wrong choice to save us. we know that He deserves more from us, and we desperately want to give it to Him ourselves, to prove He didn't make a mistake. but we don't have to be concerned in justifying ourselves or proving that we're okay. and i'm not sure that we could prove those things. in fact, they've already been proven.
knowing full well who we are and what is in our hearts, God still chose us. Psalm 31:7 and 8 read "I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, for You have considered my trouble; You have known my soul in adversities, and have not shut me up into the hand of the enemy." God knows us. much more than anyone could ever know. He knows our soul in adversity - He knows what He's gotten Himself into. we don't have to prove ourselves to Him because He has already taken the first step. He has already justified us, by the love that took place when He let Himself be killed at our hands. that was what took away our sin - now we just have to realize that our sin's been washed away. we've been proven already, we've been received into God's family. it's just a choice, a posture of the heart.
and for those who continue to attempt to prove themselves to God, to show God that they are good enough for Him, paul says "You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace. For we through the Spirit eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness by faith. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love" (5:4-5). this is written to those (which i think is probably pretty much everyone) who think that they have a special privilege to God by their circumcision and their works or think that they are somewhat separated from God by their uncircumcision and their works.
if God has essentially done all of the work in justifying us and bringing us into His presence, then what is there left for us to do? just to choose. instead of being so bent on having to fulfill the law and do all these works that, if performed right, mean that you are okay for God to love, God just calls us as we are. if that's it, then being with God really has everything to do with faith and the eyes of your heart and not works. and though we fall, God still knows who we are. He knows the depths of our heart, and He wants us despite knowing what kind of evil lies hidden away in our hearts. doing works doesn't always have to change us. going to Sunday every morning or tithing a great check doesn't have to change someone's heart. but real faith in God really challenges life. it even challenges the mundane. it forces one to question if it ever really is mundane if it can be spent with God.
i think that time spent with God is supposed to be exciting. but easily, i get disillusioned or something and i don't think it's that exciting. oftentimes, i end up trying to satisfy myself with other things. paul asks, in Galatians 4:9, "But now after you have known God, or rather are known by God, how is it that you turn again to the weak and beggarly elements, to which you desire again to be in bondage?" having seen the light and tasted of truth, why is it that we end up falling back into the empty promises of the darkness, in which we think our lives will be changed for the better? or even if we don't think our lives will be changed for the better, do we do the things we hate because we are still dependent on that high, that momentary feeling of satisfaction? i think i have gotten myself into a habit of trading my faith away for gratification that is promised aside from God, and i think this hurts God.
and this is where it gets dangerous, because, having just written what i have and believing what i do, i still believe that God loves me. in fact, He is my only hope. what i am saying is that i could do anything and still retain God's love. but God's love isn't and shouldn't be casual. it's a big deal. Paul says this: "For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another" (5:13). for some reason, faith matters. it matters what we do with our time and what we do with our hearts. i know that God will love me no matter what, and i think this is all the reason and urging i need that i should love God back with as much as i can. just because God has set me free doesn't mean i should run away and do all the things i want. because God has set me free, i think i should seek to give Him what He wants as well, which is simply to be close to me, so close that He could ask anything of me and i wouldn't even hesitate to give myself away.
finally, there is one last thing. God loves us no matter what, but i am not sure He will claim us or that we will really be His sons until we start doing what He did and following His example and His commandments. and if that's a posture of the heart, then that could probably happen in a split second, the time it would take for a lifelong commitment to be made. Paul says "Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish...and those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. if we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit" (5:16,17,24,25).
Paul continues several lines later, saying "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life" (6:7-8)
what i am trying to say God's love really is unconditional, in ways we can't even imagine. we are not saved by works, but by faith through grace. but real faith demands a change in life - a lifestyle of choosing the way of the Spirit rather than the way of the flesh, light instead of darkness.
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